Monday, 9 November 2015

Dear Future Husband (lol)

Now, while we're on the topic - that's actually quite an amusing song "Dear Future Husband", I haven't heard it in quite a while but, hey. Although, it does go against what I'm about to talk about, it's funny, nonetheless.

One question someone asked me at work this weekend, "do you have any dreams and aspirations?"
-Sure, I said.
-Such as?
-Umm, I'll have to get back to you on that one....
Because, currently I'm going through life, knowing full well I do have dreams but I'm not all that sure how to describe them to myself - let alone anyone else. I don't even think I can picture them at all, they're there and one day I'll figure out what they are. But for now, just take life as it comes - you know?

So later on I came up with something..."I have a find myself a bank, who'll give me a lifetime loan with no necessary repayments, that'll buy me a house by the time I'm 25". Because, that kinda is my plan, to save up over the next few years a deposit enough to buy a house with a bit of land - I've got five years up my sleeve, it's possible.
The person however, replied, "oh yeah, is he a nice guy?"
-I was talking about banks, I said.
-Yeah I know you what you said...(laughing)

It just brought back the typical idea, quite plainly that in every relationship she has to live off his wages - sort of thing. I just don't like it. It's such an old fashioned thing that is mostly ridiculous in this day and age, especially when everything is all about anti-feminism and equality. It started my mind stirring for the rest of the afternoon, getting me quite worked up in my head because I strive to be independent. I would rather live by myself, for the rest of my life just to prove the point - that I'm quite capable to look after myself. And yes, that is my proud, stubborn mannerism coming through, but it's true! I hate the idea of having to rely on other people, I'm one of those who is able to work in a team - but if I did it all on my own I'd get whatever it was done, just as easily.

I saw a photo recently, depicting a man hugging his daughters boyfriend, with the caption "whatever you do to my daughter, I'll do to you.." It kinda went viral, but later I read an article on it. The photo was intentionally planned, but it had been taken in the typical way - that every girl needs "protecting" and "saving". Which, I dunno. I don't get a buzz out of that all that much. My parents are taking that stance, yes they're old fashioned - so am I. But I disagree with the continued damsel in distress stature in our modern 21st century lifestyle.
The article was actually really interesting. As the person wrote, "teach your daughters to be independent. Don't let them think they need saving...especially from decent people."

Which is pretty much on par with what is happening in the world these days. I don't mind my parents being protective - it's great, we're joking about it often. But I do mind the idea that as a female I need to be looked after...


  1. Yes you are right about not the need. Protecting/saving are probably not the best words and I guess looked after doesn't sound the best. You have just got to tell your future husband how its gonna be and if he doesn't like it there's the door.

  2. As a female, I don't *need* the protection or to be looked after by someone other than my parents, but I wouldn't mind asking for it from my future husband if I felt I needed it. I don't need to be coddled, but if I come to you, then I don't want questions. And I would only ask for it if I felt like I was out of options.

    That said, I do agree with your statement about living off a guy's wages, which is something I try not to do with Andrew (with the exception of my past and present phone, I allowed him to buy my top ups for last year, and he has paid for the last year and a half of flights down; this said, I did pay some for my new phone, I am currently buying my top ups so he can save for study, and I will probably be the one working for the next few years, so I'll be the one paying for flights.), unless you're a stay at home mum (which I may or may not end up doing, since whatever career aspirations I had seemed to be sucked out of flight at 30,000 feet).

    If you are a stay at home mum, then you can siphon of your husband, since you're looking after his kids. However, that is no excuse; if you are capable of finding some way of working at home and earning a form of income *you should do this*, especially if you have more than one or two kids, because kids are expensive.

    1. Hmm, I didn't want this post to get *too* serious... :)

      I think it's more, just that common frustration of everyone thinking along those same lines that would have been expected of years ago. Sure, it's ok to still think them now but just from my perspective, I dunno, just rattles me a bit :)

  3. Of course with your future house with large section the 'future husband' could look after you by removing said plague of mice that Pippa brings inside ; p

    1. hahaha I like your thinking Anon! Mum pretty much said the same thing...
      However, I was thinking Pippa doesn't bring the mice in - but today she brought in a live bird, so there you go. Not so innocent after all ;)

  4. Interesting.
    Time to add my own 10c worth, plus tax, which probably brings it to around $2.
    I agree a lot has changed in the past 100+ years, to the point where the 21st century doesn't allow much room for sexism. However, I would also add, that in my opinion the modern-day feminist movement is starting to shoot itself in the foot.
    100 years ago, it was just the suffragettes??? (Not sure on the spelling of that one... :P), who campaigned for equal rights to basic things like voting etc. That was totally okay, and fair enough. However, they've now turned basic rights into things like filling quotas, and women have changed from being people back into objects. Suddenly you need a certain amount of women engineers, a certain amount of women farmers, a certain amount of everything, its gone back to the point of things happening because she's a woman, rather than because she qualified on her own merit.
    But with the protectiveness thing, I would just like to say, I think that genuine love and concern is often interpreted as chauvinism and sexism. Admittedly, sometimes the husband can just be acting "protective" because he doesn't think that his wife can protect herself or something, but sometimes guys see it from the perspective that marriage is a unity between two people, and that the problems of one become the problems of both. So if something troubles one person, then the other one wants to step in and help, and not just leave them to it. For some guys, just ignoring their wife's problems would be a lack of concern, not a giving of independence.
    With the living off income, if a wife has a job, its never a bad thing, like, if one person can't make enough or loses a job or something, the other one is still there to back them up. But at the same time, some women don't want to work but want to stay at home and be a housewife, and if they do, that's fine, but I don't think that should be the husband's decision only...
    But I guess, when the "right guy" comes along, its something to talk through with him before anything gets to serious, if he's happy with it, fine, if not, then he's probably not the right guy either. But yeah, just my thoughts anyway...